Meta-data Enthusiast Gifts

'Why don't you quit your job and volunteer to be the keyword guy for my online business?'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"I love your optimism."

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

Bottom line, is that the sweet smell of success or your aftershave?

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

The Quack Quack Diaries: The George Broderick Diaries

Aggression/Security

'Just do the presentation Williams and let the numbers speak for themself.'

'...and what's more, my databank has more data than your databank.'

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

'That one is a bit more expensive, but it comes with a profit.'

'He's working on the great American requirements document.'

Propping up a profits chart.

"Profits lately have been spiraling downward."

"I don't think I can be truly happy unless I have more passwords."

Customer Complaints - "Thank you, Thompson, for collecting the statistics."

"And this is another economic indicator."

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

"I'll need all the information you can find on why I need so much information."

'After analyzing 5 petabytes of Facebook data and 800 million tweets we were able to conclude that our customers are idiots.'

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'I dunno Jim...Accountancy just doesn't thrill me like it used to.'

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."