Data Dilemma Enthusiast Gifts

A businessman suffering from data overload.

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

"I love your optimism."

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

Bottom line, is that the sweet smell of success or your aftershave?

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

Aggression/Security

'Just do the presentation Williams and let the numbers speak for themself.'

'...and what's more, my databank has more data than your databank.'

'That one is a bit more expensive, but it comes with a profit.'

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

"Profits lately have been spiraling downward."

'He's working on the great American requirements document.'

Customer Complaints - "Thank you, Thompson, for collecting the statistics."

"And this is another economic indicator."

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

"And these projections are based solidly on hope, crossed fingers, and fear."

"I'll need all the information you can find on why I need so much information."

'Thanks for coming here today for my presentation, '10 cutting edge trends in the future of business analysis.' Copies of my talk will be available in the lobby in VHS and Betamax formats...'

'After analyzing 5 petabytes of Facebook data and 800 million tweets we were able to conclude that our customers are idiots.'

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'This must be the effect of the climate change! Even the data cloud has started to rain!'

"If you want my opinion you're damned if you do and damned if you don't."

Carl's still 51 annoyed at you for saying his opinion was statistically insignificant.

"Misery, torment, N.Y. football"

'I dunno Jim...Accountancy just doesn't thrill me like it used to.'

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."