Messages Pillows

Ooh, tell them I said "hi."

"Disgraceful! A message in a bottle -- in a PLASTIC bottle, if you please!"

'It's for you.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: 'It's got a message, Master. . .but I don't think we should touch it.'

Go Away Tee Shirt

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

Campaign for Plain English

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

21st century water cooler conversations.

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

Inclusive speech

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"Hmmm ... that's interesting. Now, what about ideas that don't suck - do you have any of those?"

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

"You're such a good listener."

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"National security adviser"

TAP TAP TAP TAP

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"