Message Maven Gifts

"If they just added texting to how they calculate GDP, this economy would be growing by 20%."

"Death by 1,000 Texts"

'My name is Roy and it's been six months since I communicated with my friends by using my thumbs.'

'You skimmed my tweet.'

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

Drool Marks

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

"One of the most compelling graphic presentations I've ever seen!"

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

'I'm 60-40 in favor of the 60.'

We Made a Fortune! 'That's good enough for me. I don't really need the specifics...'

'...your hindsight on this project was far more accurate than his foresight.'

'...she still can't manage a decent sports metaphor.'

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

"Our long-term plan is like our short-term plan, only longer."

Backstabber Express: Trump

I'm not sure they understood what I was getting at. Yeah, they all looked confused, didn't they?

'Sometimes, from time to time, occasionally I wish I'd never bought that ruddy thesaurus!'

'This is why we can't have nice things... '

'So, how bad is it? Who can bring me up to speed?'

'First of all I'm sorry. Secondly I'd like to clarify what I meant by 'never apologize, never explain'.'

"All those who want the doughnuts with jam in the middle please raise your hand."

'I know, we'll lead off the presentation with me telling an incredibly long and seemingly pointless anecdote about the time I burned my finger while lighting the back yard grill...'

'First, I want to apologize for calling this meeting on such short notice.'

'Before we start, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'I can't believe it! This is when I sent out a company memo advocating a win-win philosophy.'

"Yay, we have an agenda for today's meeting!"