Merger Magician Gifts

Company Share Price - "The god news is we've become a very attractive takeover target, sir."

'I hate these non-hostile takeovers...'

"We can't offer you a golden parachute, however we do offer a very attractive escape hatch."

The merger succeeded only when the CEOs discovered that they both enjoyed long walks on the beach!

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

Team Leader

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

Fish and color

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"

"Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% budget allocation."

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

"Oh, no! We've inadvertently gobbled up our own parent company."

"I'm sorry, JB, we still haven't worked out how we did it."

'It WAS rather unkind of you to hide his bottle-opener, Mrs Jones.'

Falling stocks appear to be rising when man stands on his head.

'With the firm growing at the speed it has there are bound to be a few problems...'

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

"Kind words help the dairy cow produce good milk. They go in one ear and out the udder."

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'In keeping with the team approach, we've traded you for two middle managers to be named later.'

"I've accepted that I'm getting richer."

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."

'You may have three mergers.'

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

'I brought Simmons here on board to use his powers of levitation on our customer intelligence.'

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

"We're a cable giant, you're a cable giant."

'If you're happy to demand feed we'll get along just fine.'