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'Please call customer services for assistance with your enquiry.' - 'Gah. Useless website!' - 'Press '1' for sales. Press '2' for customer service.' - '2' - 'Please visit our website at...' - 'Oh, you did not just say that!'

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

American style Greek cafe.

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

Coffee

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Whatever he's eating.'

"I recommend number five if you have only $20 so that you can still leave a tip."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

Coffee Menu

'Now what? Everything I can pronounce is OFF!'

'The customer is always right...'

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.