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"I'll have the weirdo's lunch."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"I'll have number four, "None of the above."

And what would you recommend for a lapsed vegan?

American style Greek cafe.

'I'm being awarded a medal for valor for ordering the chef's surprise.'

"What's this on the menu?"

"Mmmmm, harissa dusted haricot vert. That sounds much more interesting than green beans with pepper powder."

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

Garlic Free Zone.

"I believe I'll skip the appetizer. I ate the flowers."

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Happy hour.

"It's an extra $2.00 if you want a candle with a wick."

"A table in Siberia, please."

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

"The woman who ordered the poulet chasseur would like to come in and rap about it."

"I'm not all you can eat? But I brought my special plate!"

"I can highly recommend the peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, served with a chilled glass of milk."

"Cooking Tip # 23: If at first you don't succeed, feed it to the cat."

Beef Wellingtons

'Your bill sir.'

Roadkill Restaurant

Kid tries to plug in a book.

"Is this the wine you selected at random?"

Baking

"Hmmm, I'm not sure – I’ll ask our chef when he sobers up."

"We call this Casual/Retro dining. You get up and make your own PB&J back in the kitchen."

Arabian Cuisine

'Yes, I'd like the chef pan-fried, marinated in his disgusting sauce and charcoal grilled.'

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiters attention."

"... And how are you enjoying the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu?"