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"I'll have the weirdo's lunch."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"I'll have number four, "None of the above."

And what would you recommend for a lapsed vegan?

American style Greek cafe.

'I'm being awarded a medal for valor for ordering the chef's surprise.'

"What's this on the menu?"

"Mmmmm, harissa dusted haricot vert. That sounds much more interesting than green beans with pepper powder."

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Garlic Free Zone.

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

"I believe I'll skip the appetizer. I ate the flowers."

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Happy hour.

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

'Would you folks like sparkling water or tap water?'

"It's an extra $2.00 if you want a candle with a wick."

"A table in Siberia, please."

Who had the cod, and who had the flying fish?

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

"The woman who ordered the poulet chasseur would like to come in and rap about it."

'Your bill sir.'

"I'm not all you can eat? But I brought my special plate!"

Today: Tomato Surprise. Of course the tomato surprise doesn't impress you, sir … You’re not a tomato.

Roadkill Restaurant

"Cooking Tip # 23: If at first you don't succeed, feed it to the cat."

Beef Wellingtons

"Now I wish we hadn't ordered all those appetizers."

"I can highly recommend the peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, served with a chilled glass of milk."

Kid tries to plug in a book.

"Is this the wine you selected at random?"

"Oh, we've been a theme restaurant for about a month now."

'Yes, I'd like the chef pan-fried, marinated in his disgusting sauce and charcoal grilled.'