Menu Humor Aficionados Gifts

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

Arabic Thief Salad - lashings of whipped cream...

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

Punkcakes

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

'How did you get your pastry so thin?' Steam roller.

"You're losing your everything."

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

'Of course, the peas are fresh. I personally opened the can myself.'

"The chef informs me that, while the salmon is farm raised, the garnish is indeed feral."

"Oh waiter! Will you pass me the anticoagulant please?"

'Tch! We're not eating Mexican again, are we?' 'Well, I'd look pretty silly going into an Italian restaurant dressed like this.'

"I don't think the new guy is working out."

'How about a drink?' 'You've got gravy.'

'Take no notice, I fired him ten minutes ago.'

"Expect a generous gratuity on table 9...I hacked his tip calculator."

In the Steinberg fridge, this romance just wasn't meant to be.

"Waiter, there are no flies in my soup."

"Then it struck me - nobody originally on the Paleo Diet lived past 35."

'Oui, I'm from France! Why do you ask?'

"You're a very interesting waiter, but don't you have any other tables to take care of?"

'Can't you read?'

'No, the fish isn't battered - the cook just roughs it up a bit!'

'That's gotta be a spelling mistake, right?'