Menopause Myth-buster Gifts

'I know you don't want to admit you're old enough to be menopausal, but blaming your hot flashes on global warming...'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

'You think this is hot. Try having hot flashes, too.'

Don't have a hot flush....

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

Menopause and the City

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

Flash Cuisine

'No Dear, the Tooth Fairy is long gone. I'm the Hot-Flash Fairy.'

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

'Perhaps we should leave details of the divorce settlement until after we are married.'

"What's wrong?"

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

"Well the good news is that everything was supposed to be bad for you is actually good, but the bad news is that everything that you thought was good for you is actually bad."

Another hot flash?

'Not to worry. Water retention is a common symptom of menopause.'

"Loss of libido? Have you considered Husband Replacement Therapy?"

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

Middle age anxiety about leaving the house.

Hot flashes

The firefly wants some relief from hot flashes.

'It's my biological clock.'

'Life was moving along at a nice, steady pace, then I hit middle age and my life hot-flashed before my eyes!'

Many women report sleep disturbances associated with the post-menopausal period.

"We can go with the hormone-replacement therapy or skip straight to the husband replacement."

Flo's kids had a harder time adjusting to their mother's hot flashes than she did.

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'