Menopause Myth-buster Pillows

'I know you don't want to admit you're old enough to be menopausal, but blaming your hot flashes on global warming...'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

Flash Cuisine

'No Dear, the Tooth Fairy is long gone. I'm the Hot-Flash Fairy.'

'Perhaps we should leave details of the divorce settlement until after we are married.'

"What's wrong?"

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

"Well the good news is that everything was supposed to be bad for you is actually good, but the bad news is that everything that you thought was good for you is actually bad."

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

'Not to worry. Water retention is a common symptom of menopause.'

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

Middle age anxiety about leaving the house.

'It's my biological clock.'

'Life was moving along at a nice, steady pace, then I hit middle age and my life hot-flashed before my eyes!'

Many women report sleep disturbances associated with the post-menopausal period.

"We can go with the hormone-replacement therapy or skip straight to the husband replacement."

Flo's kids had a harder time adjusting to their mother's hot flashes than she did.

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

'This isn't any comparison to my going through menopause!'