Memoir Maven Gifts

Ilyasah Shabazz

"So, how's your autobiography coming along?"

'Dammit, Bubbles, we need this memoir yesterday - write, damn you!'

"I finally got my wife to read my manuscript. She said the main character was a sleazebag devoid of a moral compass. It's an autobiography."

J.D.Salinger epitaph.

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

Drool Marks

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

"One of the most compelling graphic presentations I've ever seen!"

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

Your Guide to Winning Movember

'In memory of our beloved Skippy.'

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

'I'm 60-40 in favor of the 60.'

We Made a Fortune! 'That's good enough for me. I don't really need the specifics...'

'...your hindsight on this project was far more accurate than his foresight.'

'...she still can't manage a decent sports metaphor.'

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

"Our long-term plan is like our short-term plan, only longer."

I'm not sure they understood what I was getting at. Yeah, they all looked confused, didn't they?

"This is Mr. Harrington, our mortgage nerd."

'This is why we can't have nice things... '

"It's nice, but does it have a batcave?"

'First of all I'm sorry. Secondly I'd like to clarify what I meant by 'never apologize, never explain'.'

"All those who want the doughnuts with jam in the middle please raise your hand."

'I know, we'll lead off the presentation with me telling an incredibly long and seemingly pointless anecdote about the time I burned my finger while lighting the back yard grill...'

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

'First, I want to apologize for calling this meeting on such short notice.'

'Before we start, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'