Memoir Maven Mugs

Ilyasah Shabazz

"So, how's your autobiography coming along?"

My mom was a pioneer vegan. My father climbed Everest naked. I had 106 brothers and sisters who ate only cardboard. I'm writing my memoirs. This turns out badly.

'Dammit, Bubbles, we need this memoir yesterday - write, damn you!'

"I finally got my wife to read my manuscript. She said the main character was a sleazebag devoid of a moral compass. It's an autobiography."

J.D.Salinger epitaph.

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

Drool Marks

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

"One of the most compelling graphic presentations I've ever seen!"

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

I'm currently working on my autobiography. Would you care to help make page 327 interesting?

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

'In memory of our beloved Skippy.'

'I'm 60-40 in favor of the 60.'

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

Your Guide to Winning Movember

'Frankly, I'm not sure this whole idea-sharing thing is working.'

We Made a Fortune! 'That's good enough for me. I don't really need the specifics...'

'...your hindsight on this project was far more accurate than his foresight.'

'...she still can't manage a decent sports metaphor.'

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

"Our long-term plan is like our short-term plan, only longer."

'This is why we can't have nice things... '

I'm not sure they understood what I was getting at. Yeah, they all looked confused, didn't they?

"This is Mr. Harrington, our mortgage nerd."

"It's nice, but does it have a batcave?"

'First of all I'm sorry. Secondly I'd like to clarify what I meant by 'never apologize, never explain'.'

"All those who want the doughnuts with jam in the middle please raise your hand."