Memoir Maniac Gifts

Sarah Palin 'Going Rogue'.

Clinton's book promotion: "Even if just his old girlfriends buy it, we'll make millions."

"Good autobiography, but I preferred your memoirs."

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

Showbiz Awards

'My feet are killing me.'

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Eighteen

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

'You say the ARKS are NOT two by two?'

"I witnessed something I can never unsee." "What happened, little buddy?" "Some guy walking out of the 'Wolverine' premiere shouted spoilers to the crowd that was waiting to see the second show." "A bunch of the fans who were dressed in costumes got so angry they attacked him." "I don't think I can ever unsee five Pyros and a Colossus beating a Happy Hogan with plastic flamethrowers." "Happy Hogan had it coming."

The Life and Times of Miley Cyrus

'Spell checker!'

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

Display of political memoirs books categorized as: 'Non-fiction,' 'Fiction,' and 'Pure Fantasy'.

"If I knew when this was going to end, it wouldn't be so stressful."

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

I'm currently working on my autobiography. Would you care to help make page 327 interesting?

Three Ladies

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

'He tells me there's one chapter of his memoir titled, 'My Likeable Master'.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

100k Desert Crawl

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

'We come in peace. Unless, of course, you have stuff that we want.'

'We're almost 1/8th of the way there.'

"Hang on - I'm not as young as I used to be. . .!"

'Is "I'll huff and I'll puff till I blow your castle down" the best intimidation we can come up with!!'

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

"Sheesh... Missed a button again."