Melody Doctor T-Shirts

'Ta dum deedee dum -- DUM -- Bloop -- Fsst, tra la,,,'

Relationship Warning Lights

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

Caught in the Music

We're making progress building a staff for the palace. The king's lawyer and accountant has sealed lips, of course. Putting a big heart in the charity foundation chief, and building the gardener with a green thumb were excellent choices, Ernie. But the entertainers sill need some fixes. The jester doesn't have a funny bone. I'm nobody's fool. And you have the minstrel a tin ear! Oops.

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

Music producers.

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

'Do we have any oldies but goodies that you would care to hear?'

'OK...now what?'

Personal Relationship Counsellor

'There you go again - trying to solve my problems. I am not asking you to do that. I just want you to listen to me.'

"Harold, not only was it perfect, It was perfectissimo!!"

Sergey Rahmaninov

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

"If she has the voice of an angel I sure hope the others drown her out."

"I think your guitar's broken. No matter what you play, it sounds the same."

Man tapping a tuning fork on another man's knee

Michail Glinka

"Easy day at school. Spelling was easy as ABC, math was easy as one two three, and music was easy as Do Re Mi."

"Well, we've for the melody down now, but I'm still not sure about the part where it goes, '...and they call the wind Dorcas Schnickelbaum.'"

'I think he is a composer.'

"You're both miserable wretches, but I suppose that's beside the point."

"You'll have to imagine the melody for this next song too."

"This lovely song tall of a young woman on a spring day...happily comes across a fluorimeter with a fluid transfer system..."

Resume of Claude Brisketson Composer

Piano Bar

'Necessity is the mother of invention. It's just a pity Buxtehude didn't encounter a bit more necessity.'

The Cello Victims

Prince

Giuseppe Verdi

'I always forget whether I'm flying a 747 or playing an organ.'

Music Therapy Centre - Placebo Domingo.

'Just relax Mr Benson. I find having background music while I perform surgery helps me focus!'