
"The coffee machine is out of order again."
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"The coffee machine is out of order again."
Showbiz Awards
Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream
'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'
"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."
Scarpia from Tosca
'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'
Cowboy uses his hat for a private kiss.
Would madam like me to send over the sympathy steward?
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"It's a narrative I didn't intend."
Next, I recall looking down at myself and thinking, God, what a drama queen.
"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"
Inside the Bermuda Romantic Triangle
"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."
'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'
''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'
"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."
"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."
Speed Dating Disasters
"I'm sensing an awkward presence."
"You play that song once more and I'll break both your hands!"
"Are you blushing?!"
Musician
'Have I ever told you how beautiful you are when you agree with me?'
"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."
"You don't have OCD or ADD. You have OLD."
English People With Servants Having Problems - On Demand
'That is the last time we will ask an actor to cut a cake.'
"Hi, I'm on the toilet"
'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'
It's a shame, but I'm still deciding if it
Husband Descending a Staircase After Tripping on his Wife's Shoes
"Can the bride refrain from twitching her entire left side?"
'When I die, please cremate me and send my ashes to the tax office. . .Write on the envelope, 'Now, you have everything.''
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