Meditative Athlete Gifts

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

'The creative process works best with a relaxed brain, so I'm letting my mind wander to let a solution drift in.'

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"And these are the Fab Four Noble Truths."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

Unguided imagery

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

Zenemies.

My God, I need to fart.

At the 2021 Religious Games

"Uptight End"

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

Meditation

"Showoff"

'Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?'

'It says, 'Life is like a transistor.''

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

Taking a little mental vacation can help as long as you don't go to mental.

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"Show off."

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

"Slowly begin to reawaken the body with thoughts of unread E-mails, piles of dirty laundry, and the kids you have to pick up from school."

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

"... and this is Carol’s stupid meditation room."

"That's good. Now extend the fingers and lose the attitude."

'Have you been working out?'

"Did you unpack your baggage yourself?"