Meditation Novice Gifts

"Now, Baldo, don't let your temper get the best of you. Do what I do. Sit in a comfortable chair and count to 100."

'So far, I've cleared my mind of everything except Angelina Jolie.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Where your mind & battle are los

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Counting ribs

'The creative process works best with a relaxed brain, so I'm letting my mind wander to let a solution drift in.'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"Do you guys serve beer?"

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

Dog yoga

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

Be Healthy

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

"Eventually, you have to stop visualizing yourself doing well on the test, and actually do the test."

"Oh, ah, sorry!"

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Where would you recommend for a tech-free experience.'

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

"Try thinking about something else."

Mind-Fullness

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

Surfer Blowing Back His Hair.

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

"When troubles begin to take their toll, it’s nice to take a little stroll!"

Maximilian could see far away places,but he never told anyone.

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'