Meditation Novice Pillows

"Now, Baldo, don't let your temper get the best of you. Do what I do. Sit in a comfortable chair and count to 100."

'So far, I've cleared my mind of everything except Angelina Jolie.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Where your mind & battle are los

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Counting ribs

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

'The creative process works best with a relaxed brain, so I'm letting my mind wander to let a solution drift in.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"Do you guys serve beer?"

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

Dog yoga

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

Be Healthy

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

"And these are the Fab Four Noble Truths."

"Eventually, you have to stop visualizing yourself doing well on the test, and actually do the test."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

"Oh, ah, sorry!"

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

'Where would you recommend for a tech-free experience.'

"Try thinking about something else."

Mind-Fullness

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

'Oh, crap.'

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

Surfer Blowing Back His Hair.

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"