Medieval Mythology Fans Gifts

"Archaeologists discovered several enormous ancient cities buried under the jungles of Cambodia." "That means the Khmer civilization was the largest empire on earth from the 9th to the 12th centuries." "That changes everything about our conception of the Middle Ages." "What was your conception of the Middle Ages?" "Well... It was... Well, knights, maidens, dragons... Mostly dragons. And elves."

Bacchus.

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

A bridge builder using an organic blow torch.

"Honey, where did you put my Green Lantern cufflinks?!"

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

"The damsels, the knights, I guess I'm just burnt out."

Life and Death

Medieval Office Supplies

Once you get the shells off they're really quite tasty.

'This year, Sire, I've created a socko narrative of scatological raillery and rollicking nihilism which ends with a sexy justification for third quarter losses.'

'It's okay, they're with me.'

The princess and the key

Santa Elevator

Demonization: Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse.

"Sure, but Mrs. Noah did make some design changes while you were out collecting beasties."

"I'm not touching it if it's not organic!"

"Sorry, Noah, these are all mid-sized. You'll have to eat the leftovers."

'Your task will be to save the castle from catapulted rocks.'

"Sorry sir - our sun screen only goes up to Factor - 100..."

"I'm sorry, there's nothing at the moment for impalers."

Lohengrin

"I don't know how to say this but I've found someone else."

Goliath's Widow.

The Lady of the Lake stabs a duck.

"Take away their Game Boys!"

Dante Alighieri

"I say, Sir Reginald, have you noticed anything peculiar about this voyage?"

'One kiss will turn me into a prince. But you won't like the stretch marks.'

'I don't know Robin. My life is good, I eat well, I sleep at night, but I keep asking myself - am I really merry?'

Noah Mishears God's Instruction...

"Let's see. . . this one is a sioux arrow. . . This one is an Apache arrow. . . Holy smoke!! Tex, number three is lie-threatening!! That's a cupid arrow!"