Medieval Monarch Gifts

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

King George I

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"Early model of baggage claim"

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

"Surprise!"

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

British Prime Minister

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

"Is this the same gold bar I gave you last year?"

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

'Frankincense, dummy! I asked for frankincense!'

"To begin with, I would like to express my sincere thanks and deep appreciation for the opportunity to meet with you. While there are still profound differences between us, I think the very fact of my presence here today is a major breakthrough."

Viking sitting patiently while his wife winds her wool on his helmets horns to sort it out.

"I have to admit. You talked a good game."

"Don't worry, princess, I'm sure one day your Mr. Divine Right will come along."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

'Tommy's book reports are like no other.'

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

"But I use all of them!"

'They named special prosecutors to investigate each other.'

''Depression'? -- You or the country or both?'

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

'This is great! -- I should have thought of tax simplification years ago!'