Medication Wisecracker Pillows

'What goes good with white pills?'

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

'A bachelor's? Big deal - I have a MASTER'S degree in enlightenment!'

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

"I was able to consolidate all your prescriptions into a single pill."

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

"Our psychopharmacologist is a genius."

"Of course, that's just my opinion. If you want my professional opinion it will cost you."

'You're getting older... it's a common complaint.'

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

Chameleon humor...'I never metamorphosis I didn't like...'

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

'Relax, Wilson-I'm just off to the loo.'

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

'Thyme heals all wounds.'

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

'Remember, Grindley; Neither a borrower nor a lender be: The real profit is in being the middle man.'

"To be honest, most of our work involves reassuring patients until nature cures them..."

'Well, that's a tough question, son. The truth is no one knows what happens when we die, although most religions do believe in some kind of persistent vegetative state.'

'If wine is 85% water, as long as I leave over 15%, I guess I can drink all I want.'

Meds Toast

Welcome! University of Hard Knocks...Where common sense is better than smarts!

"I'm taking a creative writing class. I turned in my checkbook and got an A."

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'Now that we can talk, let me give you some advice....'

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

Doctor with pump: 'Hold on a second while I inflate his ego.'