Wisecracker About Wellness Pillows

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

'Okay, ladies! We're not just going to burn those calories, we're going to drown them!'

PSA Banter.

"Winter is coming, and there will be months without much sunshine, so it's important that you take your vitamin D supplement Darling..."

Sleepwalker on treadmill

"Tour de Frank"

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

Exercising

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

Exercise now!

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

'You've got, like, a Feng Shui problem with your pancreas, dude.'

Vaccination Passport

'C'mon, c'mon! I want to be the first one on the stair-climbing machine!'

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

Keep Fit.

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

Hand sanitizer

'Those fish-oil treatments doing your arthritis any good?'

'I trust this is a non-smoking uterus!'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

Wash your hands

Stopping smoking at work had given Tim the energy to explore his creativity ... 'And I like to call this my dance of the fourth quarters 'profit and loss' account.'

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

Free-Floating Anxiety

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

'A bachelor's? Big deal - I have a MASTER'S degree in enlightenment!'

Valleyview diet clinic

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'