Medically Minded Meme Fan Pillows

"Our operators are all busy. You are second in the queue."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Lactose Intolerant

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

Providing Healthcare For All

"All my symptoms are old ... "

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

Dog forced to return bone

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'

'My goodness, how many miricle drugs did they give you?'

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."