Medically Minded Meme Fan Pillows

"Our operators are all busy. You are second in the queue."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Lactose Intolerant

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

Providing Healthcare For All

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

'Who wants to be examined first?'

Dog forced to return bone

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

I just hope my doctor is not on twitter too!

World Cup Fever

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

'My goodness, how many miricle drugs did they give you?'