Medical Meme Fan Pillows

"Your blood pressure is hitting the jackpot today."

In the shaving cut operating room of a hospital.

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Lactose Intolerant

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

Providing Healthcare For All

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

"I think it stopped breathing."

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'Who wants to be examined first?'

Dog forced to return bone

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'