Medical Meme Collector Pillows

'Did you cut your lip while shaving or is that evidence you want to listen to me?'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

AstraZeneca Controversy Costs Lives

"He's been doing worlds better since we switched him from saline to single malt."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Providing Healthcare For All

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

In the shaving cut operating room of a hospital.

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"Take one three times a day and come back in 43 years."

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

"Good?"

Patient after an appendix operation

Doctor consulting a textbook.

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

"You'll be discharged quickly after surgery and placed in our mobile recovery unit: a taxi home."

"Repetitive strain injury?...theres a lot of it about."

"It's a straightforward operation, but there can be complications such as; growing wings and wearing a halo."

Coma for twenty years

'Angiogram.'

"Our operators are all busy. You are second in the queue."

"While I'm not an internist...I'd say you coughed up your small intestines!"

Drunken Dis-orderly

"Oh, those aren't my diplomas – they're my medical malpractice attorney's."