Medically Curious Travelers Gifts

Doctors' Tour

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

Are we evolved yet? Are we evolved yet? Are we evolved yet?

"They don't look familiar...probably from another fecal transplant."

Stonehenge Books

"You have twenty eight days to live."

"Hello, A and E, which department do you need, stabbing, shooting or general GBH?"

"Two weeks in France with a cataract operation, no problem."

"Armstrong, you're the cheapest cheapskate on earth." "Not yet, but a man can dream." "This toothache is killing me but I have no money and no insurance. Do you know where I can find a really cheap dentist?" "Of course. I can give you my guy's name. He works for peanuts." "I’ll get a pen." "You’ll also need a passport and lots of penicillin."

"He has a pretty rare blood group."

At Travel Agent - "We're interested in a no-diarrhea itinery."

Medical floor directory follows body parts.

'My client is therefore NOT guilty of malpractice. All he is guilty of is an error in judgment. He should have decided to be a plumber."

"It's just what I suspected: Obstruction of Justice."

"By golly, that is a nasty rash...but I'm actually a Doctor of Philosophy!"

"They say there's no cannibalism on the island, but they're willing to give it a try."

A woman is staring at someone's feet when they are in an MRI machine.

Intensive Care in the Community

"Well I'm out of ideas, here, anyone else want to give this a stab?"

'O.K, Everyone let's do some yoga!'

Immodiu, Ibruprofen, Clarityn, Sudofed, Paracetemol, Nurofen, Rennies, Diareze... - 'What are you doing?' - 'Packing for my holiday to Egypt.' - 'How ill are you planning on being, exactly?' - 'Ah, that reminds me... can I borrow a bucket from you for a

'These tablets are magic and not habit-forming, as long as you don't miss taking one every single day...'

'Benny wanted a closed casket service...but, since you traveled so far to be here...I can give you a quick peek for ten dollars.'

"Nothing beats going abroad to discover new types of cheese: you have to try Camel Cheese!"

Carl's Glass- Bottom Bus Tours

"Right, now have got everything - passports, airline tickets, parachutes..."

'Calvin has laryngitis, but he never complains.'

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. It's print out says 'I Quit!'.

A Reasonable Time For Concern - 'Hello Crematorium?'

"We'd prefer the sort of place where we won't catch any disfiguring diseases or be killed by fanatics."

"That's it, Lucille! No more mystery destination tours!"

'Before I escort you to your hotel, would you like to see Brest?'

'Tourists bring in money ... and sometimes... Hong Kong flu!"

"It's mostly my medications and adjustable mattress."