Medical Wit Pillows

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

"It's from the hospital. They write that the warranty on your heart expires next Thursday. They wish you a hearty farewell!"

'The tests indicate you've been exposed to a new idea.'

Hearse on an emergency

"And then bear left at the war memorial, first right down Newton road and St Luke's is straight ahead."

"We have to stop meeting this way, Allison!"

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

Ice Cream Surgeon

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Backfire

Snowprov

PSA Banter.

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

Doggone

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Czarcasm

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"Who's your daddy corporation?"

'No, I'm sorry, Danny. I'm afraid your dad won't be able to shoot laser beams from his eyes after surgery.'

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

You can relax now.