Medical Wit Pillows

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

"It's from the hospital. They write that the warranty on your heart expires next Thursday. They wish you a hearty farewell!"

'The tests indicate you've been exposed to a new idea.'

Hearse on an emergency

"And then bear left at the war memorial, first right down Newton road and St Luke's is straight ahead."

"We have to stop meeting this way, Allison!"

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

Ice Cream Surgeon

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Backfire

Snowprov

PSA Banter.

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Czarcasm

Doggone

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

World Cup Fever

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

'No, I'm sorry, Danny. I'm afraid your dad won't be able to shoot laser beams from his eyes after surgery.'

"Who's your daddy corporation?"