Legal Wit Pillows

'Before I give you your bill, Mr Fraser, can I ask you to step onto the crash-mat.'

"No, I don't think your decisions are too Draconian. Do you think my decisions are too Draconian?"

'Ejection, your Honor!!'

'Can't you ever forget you're a lawyer? When I said 'Sue my wife' I was making an introduction!'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Backfire

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

Snowprov

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Czarcasm

Doggone

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"We make crime pay."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

A baby in court

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'