Legal Wit Gifts

'Before I give you your bill, Mr Fraser, can I ask you to step onto the crash-mat.'

"No, I don't think your decisions are too Draconian. Do you think my decisions are too Draconian?"

'Ejection, your Honor!!'

'Can't you ever forget you're a lawyer? When I said 'Sue my wife' I was making an introduction!'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Backfire

Snowprov

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Barristers

Doggone

Czarcasm

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"We make crime pay."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."