Medical Wit Appreciator Pillows

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

"Is it a 'new' cough? Technically every cough is a new cough."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Cat Burglar

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Hello, I'm Dr. Frank Stein and this is my anaesthetist, Dr. Ivan Gore. We'll be doing your hernia operation tomorrow.'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

"Heart transplant surgery waiting room"

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"Tell me more about your fear of going bald."

Lot for people who don't know how to park.

Voltaire

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"We'd like to run a few tests on you to work the kinks out of it."

'I hope you all appreciate the irony in this.'

'The tests indicate you've been exposed to a new idea.'

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

'My 'friend' has this problem, Doctor!'

"It's inoperable and perennial."

Paramedics.

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

"Yikes! Okay, I'm going to pretend I didn't see this."

"I don't think you have a case. It's only slander if it's not true, and I've heard you play."

"When they develop their own gravitational field it's a clear warning sign of getting type 2 diabetes."

Elephant walking out of urologist office carrying 2 peanuts in jar.

"It happened either over the weekend or when I left the office today for lunch."

'You carry a rabbit's foot — well, that explains the rabbit fever.'

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."