Medical Testing Gifts

'the fact that you're a malpractice lawyer aside, I'm going to schedule every medical test known to mankind.'

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"I have the results of your PET scan and your CT scan. You are not claustrophobic."

No offense, Doctor, but I'm feeling kinda rushed.

'I had a larger sample for you but I had trouble getting the lid back on. . .'

"Darn it, lost another swab."

"Your bloodwork just came back. . . the GOOD news is that you've definitely got some!"

'Well, well, well...'

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

A boy is sat at a desk, with five plaques implying different qualifications he has earned from using social media.

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

Virtual Doctor

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

Turkey Autopsy

Cat Scan

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'What's holding him up?'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"I'm afraid your Apple goggles aren't compatible with your X brain implant."

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

'Time for your pills.'

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

'Wilkins! Keep your eyes on your own cadaver!'

'As you can see, it's a boy and he seems to be doing just fine.'

"I suspect your headaches may be the result of you being exposed to someone with an undiagnosed case of cabin fever."

"That's nuthin'. Yesterday he beat up Alex Rodriguez."

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

Medical Examinations.

'Still no improvement? Nurse, attach more gizmos.'

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

"The x-rays came back, and — I'm sorry, but we found a very large attachment."