Medical Testing Gifts

'the fact that you're a malpractice lawyer aside, I'm going to schedule every medical test known to mankind.'

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

"I have the results of your PET scan and your CT scan. You are not claustrophobic."

'I had a larger sample for you but I had trouble getting the lid back on. . .'

"Darn it, lost another swab."

"Your bloodwork just came back. . . the GOOD news is that you've definitely got some!"

'Well, well, well...'

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

A boy is sat at a desk, with five plaques implying different qualifications he has earned from using social media.

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

Virtual Doctor

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

Turkey Autopsy

Cat Scan

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

"I'm afraid your Apple goggles aren't compatible with your X brain implant."

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'What's holding him up?'

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

'Time for your pills.'

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

'As you can see, it's a boy and he seems to be doing just fine.'

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

"I suspect your headaches may be the result of you being exposed to someone with an undiagnosed case of cabin fever."

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

"That's nuthin'. Yesterday he beat up Alex Rodriguez."

Medical Examinations.

'Still no improvement? Nurse, attach more gizmos.'

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

Infected Macron

"Oh, I don't do the test myself Sir: Doctor Vampire does it..."