Medical Sitcom Enthusiast Gifts

"Guess which one's here for the hemorrhoid treatment."

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Let's play doctor. You can be my malpractice lawyer.'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

'Luckily, it doesn't look too serious.'

"There's a shortage of beds, dear."

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

"The medic said he died of an ST-segment-elevated myocardial infarction -- Jack was always a showoff."

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

Medical Center.

'The doctor is running a little late this morning; but a couple more laps around the park and he should be back at his desk.'

'Just another couple of pages.'

I don't care what happened on ER. This doctor patient relationship is not going to descend into unbridled passion.

'The autopsy revealed he was indeed a yellow-bellied, lily-livered varmint!'

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

'Brain surgery, right?'

No, you don't need to be "gluten-free." I said "glutton-free"!

'Why do you people always wait a week or two before seeking medical help?

When he got the wrong medication, no one would own up to it. They were real good at covering their own butts.