Medical Parody Fan Pillows

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

Seal/Yak Disease

Nose Jobs $2.

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Lactose Intolerant

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'Who wants to be examined first?'

"I think it stopped breathing."

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

Dog forced to return bone

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"Well, you may not have the body of an athlete, but you certainly have the foot of one."

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."