Medical Joke Fans Pillows

'It may have a few wild side effects. One of them may make you consult an obstetrician.'

"Did I mention the date I had last night? A complete stiff, no sense of humor ... much too cerebral."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"I think it stopped breathing."

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'Who wants to be examined first?'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Dog forced to return bone

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'

"Well, you may not have the body of an athlete, but you certainly have the foot of one."

'My goodness, how many miricle drugs did they give you?'

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

"Here comes the super-visor."

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

The Uterus in the form of a Ewe