Medical Music Lovers Gifts

"The hip bone's connected to the...' Once you start humming, it all comes back to you."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Lactose Intolerant

Jazz quartet, piano, bass, sax and drums

'There they go - off on their own - and a finer bunch of fledgelings one couldn't ask.'

Grand. Baby Grand. Toddler Grand. Teen Grand.

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"Ugh, we get it - you're in love."

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

"Alexa, play Thriller by Michael Jackson."

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

Plum jam...

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

"Iggy Pop? More like Iggy Grandpop."

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

Saxophonist playing on the map of Cornwall.

"Imagine There's No Heaven. It's Easy If You Try..."

'You've got dry scalp.'

The Uterus in the form of a Ewe

...As we know, Jesus was a carpenter... but I don't think he actually sang on any of their records..."

"Your veins are too narrow. Let me get our in-house specialist to help."

Disease-y Top

For the musician strapped for space...the Murphy piano.

An Intimate Union forms between Napster and the Pygmy Sub-Area of Central Africa...

Snake Charming

'I'd like now to do a blues number, for those of you here on Viagra. It's called - Woke up Early One Morning.'

"I think you're suffering from nostalgia, Mr. Prentice."