Medical Malpractitioners Of Comedy Gifts

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"Right here is your baby’s infrastructure, and in a month or so we’ll be able to see the analytics."

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

Dermatologist reading a 'Journal of Itchcraft'.

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

"When you're ready, I'm going to stand on my hind legs, and lick it better."

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'You've got lot toe!'

NHS Efficiency Drive

Doctors often have to reassure the worried well.

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet.

"There are some things medical science cannot explain...like where the hell our health care system is heading."

'When you said I had to come in for a scan, this isn't what I had in mind.'

"I only came in to get my eyes done."

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

"I'm not going to lie. This looks pretty serious."

'Maybe we shouldn't have used the tail as the donor site for a skin graft.'

'I diagnosed you with THAT? Whoa! You patients really need to be more involved with your healthcare!'

' 'Peppermint thumb' is one of our toughest cases to cure.'

Infant care worker is exhausted from sex injuries at hospital.

"He's very good. He disected my first husband."

"I'm afraid it's your suit...you're suffering from batnipple."

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'

According to your chart, your leg is a pre-existing condition, Mr. Fusco. My entire body is a pre-existing condition, Doctor. (This cartoon was originally published on 2010-08-12).

"I'm going to have to draw some blood."