Medical Malpractitioners Of Comedy Pillows

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

"Right here is your baby’s infrastructure, and in a month or so we’ll be able to see the analytics."

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

Dermatologist reading a 'Journal of Itchcraft'.

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

"When you're ready, I'm going to stand on my hind legs, and lick it better."

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'You've got lot toe!'

Doctors often have to reassure the worried well.

NHS Efficiency Drive

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet.

"There are some things medical science cannot explain...like where the hell our health care system is heading."

'When you said I had to come in for a scan, this isn't what I had in mind.'

"I only came in to get my eyes done."

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

'Maybe we shouldn't have used the tail as the donor site for a skin graft.'

"He's very good. He disected my first husband."

Infant care worker is exhausted from sex injuries at hospital.

' 'Peppermint thumb' is one of our toughest cases to cure.'

'I diagnosed you with THAT? Whoa! You patients really need to be more involved with your healthcare!'

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'

"I'm going to have to draw some blood."

'Breast implants? There must be some mistake. I have you down for knee surgery not breast implants!'