Medical Condition Comedy Lover Gifts

'Stop telling people you're going to Heaven. The doctor said, 'Rupture.' You have a hernia!'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"Gross."

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

'Luckily, it doesn't look too serious.'

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

'The doctor is running a little late this morning; but a couple more laps around the park and he should be back at his desk.'

"There's a shortage of beds, dear."

"The medic said he died of an ST-segment-elevated myocardial infarction -- Jack was always a showoff."

Medical Center.

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

'Just another couple of pages.'

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

'Why do you people always wait a week or two before seeking medical help?

When he got the wrong medication, no one would own up to it. They were real good at covering their own butts.

'The good news is that new medicine cleared up the spots, but...'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

"I know we're supposed to get rid of 'superbugs', but ours is the only one that understands the IT systems!"

'I'm going on vacation so here are a few prescriptions for a laxative, decongestant, antacid, analgesic, and antidepressant to tide you over.'

"The test results have come back - you ARE a t**t."

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

"Try and get some rest and in a week or two we'll put your brain back in."

'I suppose you're going to tell me I need new contact lenses.'

"Your tests look normal, but that's what the disease wants us to think."

'...Do you have an appointment...?'

'That's the most unusual rash I've ever seen, Mr Lichtenstein.'