Comedy Lover In Medicine Gifts

"Our regular anaesthesiologist called in sick today."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Quick, do a background search and see if this doctor passed his boards!'

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

Wait a minute…What operating system are you using?… Common techie question.

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"Looks like your Yang is on the move again."

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

Give it to me straight, Doc, and don't poopcoat it.

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

'Can't you give the dummy mouth to mouth without getting romantically involved Mrs Wilks?'

'And I think you'll find something extra in your dessert, Hon.'

Until Bob entered her life, Lisa never even knew the meaning of the phrase 'acute multiple drug-resistant infection by transgenic Staphylococcus aureus.

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

"Of course I believe in unions - Where do you think we doctors would be without the A.M.A.?"

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

'It's caused by doing too many wrist curls, overindulging in spinach and... Excuse me. Everyone in here - stat - if you want to see an actual case of 'Popeye Syndrome'!'

"I came here to be treated - not flattered!"

"So, when will we be getting the next batch?"

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."