Medical Buffs Gifts

"I miss the days when my doctor was older than me!"

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"We need to update your entire operating system."

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"Am I sensing fear?"

Man with arrow in back - "We're going to run some tests to see if it's psychosomatic."

"We're doing everything we can to make him comfortable, short of dressing up as male doctors."

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

Cures for Ye Plague

'Since I've been identifying with you, I've been appointed director of the Millwood Psychiatric Institute.'

"Grandma's TV is so old it wasn't made in a foreign country."

'My mother was a real bitch!'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"And for you older folks, the current time is 'nowadays.'"

'I know just how you feel.'

"Relax, I'm only hear to see my osteopath."

'Why are you giving me an allergy shot. Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-allergy shot?'

"I had no idea that exercising my right of immunity meant this."

Fart Sample.

'We can't determine if you're telling the truth, but you should have a doctor check your pressure.'

Tommy John Surgery.

'I've got a good idea! Let's take everything out and start from scratch.'

"Milton finally found a doctor he can trust - one who still believes in the healing power of money."

Water: the first medicine

Hospital Cleaning.

"Dermatology? That sounds interesting. Myself, I've always been in cardiology."

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

'Lucky for you there was a safety net.'

"Your D.N.A. test shows you're predisposed to sue doctors."

'There's no cure, but the good news is we have some great support groups!'

We flushed your arteries, checked your fluids, and topped off your AB positive, but look at this kidney - When's the last time you had it replaced?

Morty likes a holistic approach... sex, cigarettes, pillow talk and then death.