Medical Billing Professional Gifts

"Our hospital is dedicated to cost transparency for our patients. I think you'll find our prices are so transparent you can't even see them."

'Your health insurance company says you misspelled your name on the application.'

'The X-rays show that you still have a lot of money in your wallet.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

A midwife holding a baby

Ice Cream Surgeon

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

"Surgery up here is free!"

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"My blood pressure stays fine, Doctor, as long as nothing comes between me and my fishing."

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"WHich one is mine?"

"Say 'eh.'"

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'My serotonin levels have maxed-out, my brain is awash in glucocoriticoids and, if it weren't for my leveling endogenous opiates, I'd float out that window!'

"Hm, still sky high. Let's try the other arm."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

Mouse is doctor to lions with thorns in paws.

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"I think it stopped breathing."