Medical Biller Gifts

"I can't wait until we convert to electronic health records. Carry these is giving me backache."

'Let's begin your exam with a simple coordination test. Swipe your credit card.'

'We're moving you from intensive care to intensive billing.'

"The initial test results are in and you have excellent coverage."

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

"Doctor Wilson believes in preventive financing, so regardless of your insurance, fill out this loan application form."

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

'Do you bulk bill?'

"Make an appointment for Mr. Rodgers for a follow-up billing."

"If it's an expensive surgery, we now implant a GPS tracking device for the hospital's collections department."

"No, you can't just pay for the square inch where you were treated - Dr. Larkin charges by the foot."

"Sorry, but I have to charge you for the 17 years you were in a coma at today's current rates."

'How come routine care breeds intensive billing?'

'Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it still remains so popular?'

'Dr. Gormley will remove your stitches as soon as you pay your bill.'

'Isn't it amazing that this piece of machinery can keep you alive forever...at $300 an hour!'

"While it's not a cure, it does mean a guaranteed income for me."

"You think the rash and fever is bad? Wait til you see this bill!"

We use all the latest painless procedures, so now a visit only hurts at the end when you get the bill.

"Oh, the doctor does keep up. He gets accounting magazines on the latest billing methods."

'When does the plaster come off?'

"When collecting these bills, I definitely want you to take heroic measures.''

"The doctor will bill you now."

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"I'll have someone come in and prep you for the bill."

'You may have an adverse reaction when I administer this. It's your medical bill.'

'I decide reimbursement rates at the Healthcare Exchange of Oz!'

Exploring Healthcare Careers

'Don't ask how much your hospital bill is because we have no way of knowing.'

'Boy! The cost of health care is going up, up, up...'

'Serves you right, just tearing open the charge card bill and reading it like that!!'

"But Doctor - will the government pay for Ferris Buelleritis?"