Medical Advice Respecter Gifts

Do Not Confuse Your Internet Search With my Medical Degree!

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

The Canary in the Coal Mine

'My doctor told me avoid any unnecessary stress, so I didn't visit him today.'

When it comes to health issues, I'd rather listen to a physician than a spin doctor.

'The Meaning of Life? -- you don't have a bad ticker, do you?'

Govt. UK led by Seance

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

'It says take all your medication - if you can afford it.'

Mrs. Tree? A hockey ball hit your daughter. It's likely just a bad bruise. Whew! Though there could be a fracture, nerve damage or fatal blood clots. What? Don't worry. Our medical advisor is evaluating Twig right now. Can you sign this liability waiver? Her hand seems fine. Team lawyer.

Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.

"You need to stop eating that sh*t."

"The diagnostic computer think I should defrag your hard drive."

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

"Loss of libido? Have you considered Husband Replacement Therapy?"

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

Food Pyramid.

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

"I'm recommending a more balanced diet."

"Now they're saying shiny things attached to hooks are bad for you."

Jim's Smart Kettle

My fitness tracker said I was dead but I thought I'd better get a second opinion

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

"Doctor, before we start you've got to promise me that I don't have to give up anything."

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

"We'd like you to be at breaking point seven days a week."

Vaping cigarette

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -