Medical Advice Follower Gifts

I think you're taking your hydration too far

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

The Canary in the Coal Mine

When it comes to health issues, I'd rather listen to a physician than a spin doctor.

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

"You need to stop eating that sh*t."

"The diagnostic computer think I should defrag your hard drive."

'Some of you may have heard that Dr. Weil is giving HIS talk right now in the next auditorium.'

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

"Loss of libido? Have you considered Husband Replacement Therapy?"

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

"Don't eat anything fatty...you're not listening, Fatty...I said, 'Don't eat anything!'"

"After giving advice for decades, my doctor gave me some. He suggested I quit sitting all day."

'I'm prescribing magnets for your weight-loss program. They'll keep this on your refrigerator door.'

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

"You must cut down on your smoking."

'You've never starved a fever, have you?'

Do Not Confuse Your Internet Search With my Medical Degree!

"You have to start exercising. Running your mouth, skipping meals, and jumping to conclusions won't help you."

"Ask Sadie advice hour! What's your problem?!" "Being a high school student is literally killing me! I sit all day at school, and sit all evening doing my homework." "Stop yer sniveling!!! Every student since the beginning of time has had to deal with this problem." "Yes, you're sitting all day. But like any other teenager, you should be burning thousands of calories anyway." "The eye-rolling alone should burn up to 473 calories per hour. Pick up the pace, slacker!!!"

"The doctor said I need to shop around for a casket. I asked for a second opinion and he suggested cremation."

"Unbuckle your belt, Bob."

'When you put on a new patch you're meant to take the old one off!'

'I'll put it this way: throw away the planning book and start scrapbooking.'

"Your next fattened kid could be your last."