Medical Absurdity Lover Gifts

Staff care...DOH style!

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

"Now you can send it."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Happy Birthday to you.

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

Operating Room Humor. Why are anesthesiologists assumed to be honest? Because numb-ers don't lie!

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"Gross."

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'Time for your pills.'

'Long shift?'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

"I feel your pain level."

'Quick, do a background search and see if this doctor passed his boards!'

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'