Media Personality Gifts

'You're going to stitch me up in this interview aren't you?'

The Media Guru: 'You don't exist until you're on TV.'

'Wow - embezzle 1000 bucks, and you're a criminal. Embezzle 10.000.000 bucks, and you're a media superstar!'

"There's nothing much happening tonight... so I'm going to just talk about myself!"

'That's the famous political pundit? I didn't recognize him with his mouth closed.'

Celebrity Shark Attack.

Chef's Specialities�

"Tonight we have good news and bad news. First the bad news. Then a commercial. Then another commercial. Then a station break..."

"Oh, oh! I see cameras! They're here for me. Photo op time! Out of my way, fools!"

"My client has been convicted by the media, but I am confident that his conviction will be overturned on appeal by the three major networks and the 'Times.'"

"Your case has been turned down by Oprah, but we're appealing to Sally Jessy Raphael."

"Are these microphones, O Lord, on?"

"I know what some of you are thinking. You're thinking, 'Ha! He claims to be coming to us live, but he's really on tape.' Well, if that's what you think, I can only say I feel sorry for you."

Five Stages of White House Unemployment

Ronnie and Sammi get into ANOTHER argument about the housing crisis

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

"And for you older folks, the current time is 'nowadays.'"

"News anchors' spring fashion show"

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

"I suspected barstool founder David Portnoy was racist."

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"

"This is the Ask Sadie Show. You're on, caller. What's your problem?" "Movie critics." "For the last time, my review of Star Trek was totally unbiased and professional." "You said 'Nerd Trek 3 is a steaming pile of mediocrity, which should appeal to the younger generations. This reminds me of the time I dated Bill Shatner.'" "See? Completely objective." "You said 'Chris Pine isn't half the back-rubber Shatner is.'" "Objectively speaking."

"Honk If You're Running For Governor!

"This week on Sunday Hot Takes, the wage gap between men and women - is it really such a bad thing? Jill, you hate other women, start us off with something awful."

Who will be the next CNN analyst?

Media Whore Raceway.

'As quickly as they had begun. Doug's fifteen minutes of fame came to an end'

Richard Coles

'On tonight's news: Katie Couric interviews Katie Couric.'

Rush Limbaugh

"There are no reports of violence, fear, hatred, disaster, or out-of-control hysteria. As a result, all news programs today have been canceled."

"If you want to be an effective TV-debater, not pulverising your opponent would be a big step forward!"

'But technology has created an information explosion - everyone does have to talk at once.'

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Sean Hannity?'