Med School Bound Gifts

"No, Billy, just because I don't have my own website does not mean I'm a quack!"

2021

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"I think I may have stumbled on something, Walpole."

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

Physician tending a mummy.

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

A boy is sat at a desk, with five plaques implying different qualifications he has earned from using social media.

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'Will you raise my allowance? I want to play doctor but can't afford the malpractice insurance.'

Providing Healthcare For All

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

We saw this episode of Grey's Anatony, I recognize the symptoms.

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

X-ray Psychology.

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.