Mechanic In Denial Pillows

'I hate it when the red oil light comes on!'

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

Working Holiday

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

How to be a Dynamic Over-achiever

'Goodbye, dear. This is the kind of day that makes you feel glad to be alive.'

Buy One Get One Free Sign Outside Shoe Shop

"A new study shows half of all marriages end in divorce when one of the spouses bring their work home with them. Would you care to respond, honey?"

"You call this a mere bagatelle?"

"The president wants me to stay on as unemployed."

Compact Disc: "01011100110001011011010001111...."

'I couldn't decide what to wear to work so I just didn't go.'

"Sulk all you want Edward, we are not adding sporting equipment to our wedding registry!"

"Everyone who cares about you is here, Frank, because we all feel it's time you quit wearing your baseball cap backwards."

"I keep hearing a knocking noise."

As his hearing worsened, Larry had to buy louder and louder clothes.

'As usual, tech support is busy.'

'Philip was cute this morning. He said money's tight and I should only buy what I need.'

Sue began to wonder if she needed a spending review of her own.

'I quit my job because I'm coming into money. Yep, I'm 4-6 weeks away from several rebate checks arriving.'

Clancy: Car Repairs

'Why do I always lose at this interactive television fishing show!'

'You're howling off key again!'

"Did you tune the clock radio to a rock station again?"

Castaway uses a solar panel to watch TV.

Coming Sooner Than You Think.

"Wow. I need either new glasses or a new hairdo."

Shop assistant looking at woman wearing a hideous outfit while her shadow is sick in a bucket.

Minimal Chic.

'Before we begin I need to inform you that the computers in this row are not working and some of the passwords are not being accepted by all the computers.'

"I'll take any model here so long as it's got a full tank."

'Had I known this opera was a formal thing, I wouldn't have worked on my car before coming. Do they serve beer?'