Driver In Denial Pillows

'This is Onstar, how may I help you?'

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

Car wash / Mouth wash

'Goodbye, dear. This is the kind of day that makes you feel glad to be alive.'

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

"The president wants me to stay on as unemployed."

"I'm broke, I'm back...and I'm willing to discuss law school."

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

TOLD YOU TO TAKE LESSONS FROM GOLF PRO

Mysteries of Life

No child onboard. Don't drive carefully.

"I think I'm getting road rage."

'Philip was cute this morning. He said money's tight and I should only buy what I need.'

"I'm not a dog person - I'm just a guy with a dog."

Andrew's own nose cuts him off just to spite his face.

'I don't care what you say lad.....I say he was speeding!'

Dartford Crossing, Pay in Advance for your Inevitable Queue.

Salt flats - 100mi. Low sodium salt flats - 150mi.

'Why do I always lose at this interactive television fishing show!'

'You're howling off key again!'

"Take two, twice a day to help control rage. By the way, I put them in a child-proof bottle and overcharged you."

'You may have misunderstood about Yompville being a country club prison.'

Road sign at busy junction reads: 'Give Up'.

Traffic jam - 'I wish I could go fast enough to get caught by a speed camera.'

'Hello, I'm phoning from my car '.

'Before we begin I need to inform you that the computers in this row are not working and some of the passwords are not being accepted by all the computers.'

NO PARKING, from here to eternity.

'How come all the bad drivers follow you around?'

'Safety' Cameras are not for profit.

'I just want to know where I can find a parking space in the city centre this afternoon.'

"A crow should always listen for oncoming vehicles and be prepared to move..."

"I'll take any model here so long as it's got a full tank."

'Okay. Now, try to parallel park while talking on your cell phone and changing songs on your ipod.'

"Since 1954, I've lost five sets of keys, eleven wallets, nine pairs of gloves, and thirty-two ball-point pens. Has any of that stuff ever turned up?"

"OK, that's enough for today. I think he's learned his lesson."