Shopper In Denial Pillows

'Philip was cute this morning. He said money's tight and I should only buy what I need.'

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

Middle-Age Superheroes

Man practising karate is tempted by a glass of beer.

'This is Onstar, how may I help you?'

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

Fast Food Dieter

Buy on-line - Fill in form, Fill in form again, And again, Lose form, Fill-in form a few more times, Give up and go to shop...

He only had enough money for one, and for the life of him he couldn't remember the difference,

Buy One Get One Free Sign Outside Shoe Shop

"He's a fussy eater."

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

Down on Her.

"I LOVE you more than old people love to pay for everything in exact change."

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

"You asked me to keep a food diary, this is last week's!"

"Everyone who cares about you is here, Frank, because we all feel it's time you quit wearing your baseball cap backwards."

End Of Consumer Confidence Sale

'Midnight Galas, dinner at the Captain's table, the Swinging Singles Bar, exotic tropical nights... if I may say so, Miss Winslow... this cruise is you!'

It says 'item is returnable if repackaged exactly as sent.'"

How to manage stress...

'I couldn't decide what to wear to work so I just didn't go.'

As his hearing worsened, Larry had to buy louder and louder clothes.

"We save all the original packaging in case we have to return something."

'Now that I can afford anything on the menu, I can't digest anything on the menu.'

"Whatever you do, DON'T go in there! It's the mummy's purse!"

10 items or less queue. (Woman has thrown eggs onto floor).

Coming soon: The Garden of Eden Shopping Center.

"I was at home all day yesterday so when do I want you to re-deliver? Yesterday!"

'No Wallmart...No Target...No mall...How can you call this paradise?'

'Isn't this cool? I ordered 'em all over the internet!'

Sue began to wonder if she needed a spending review of her own.

Supermarket - 'Buy One, Get 5kg Of Packaging Free'

"Did you tune the clock radio to a rock station again?"

What's the sale price on scones? Zero percent off. It's a sale in name only. I see. How many can I get at the sale price? The sale mentality mocks me.